Are Chefs Still Sexy?

24 April 2018

 

Some five years back, I read a study which asked 2,000 people what they believed was the sexiest profession for a prospective partner. Twenty seven percent said that Chefs are sexiest. Yes, sexier than pilots, doctors, firemen and of course, lawyers. Chefs were top of the sweetheart tree.

I have played this useful statistic to encourage young people to become Chefs. I mean, lets be frank, those long working hours and poor pay need some mitigating factors to encourage millennials to join the foodie world.

But my chef friends, things are beginning to slip. The latest research by dating site Tinder, reveals that Chefs no longer feature in the top ten sexiest jobs. I was horrified to see that Lawyers, Doctors and even Accountants rank higher.  Frankly, you have let it slip in the past few years.

In my opinion a prospective suiter still finds the profession irresistibly sexy. Indeed, the skills and techniques used in cooking are similar to the art of seduction, don’t you think? Sensitivity, passion and an adventurous appetite? The seductive sizzle of a pan as things start to get hot, the change of pace as a rich, smooth, glistening chocolate sauce drizzles over a slowly melting vanilla ice cream. A sharp breath of desire as she bites into a strawberry mille feuille. The moan of ecstasy as the puff pastry flakes on her lips and the Crème Anglais drips suggestively from her chin. But I digress.

It’s seductive to watch a person cook, it shows a softer and more vulnerable side to a soul. Cooking is an ancient and mysterious ritual of many a past epoch, climaxing in an edible fantasy to be devoured with a gentle understanding of beauty. Cooking is undeniably sexy.

I am getting lyrically saucy I know. Let’s get back to my point. Chefs, why have you let it slip? Once featuring top of the sexy careers to crashing to the same level as used car salespeople, politicians and self-obsessed male models.

Here are my top four reasons: 

The rise and fall of the celebrity chef – It’s a simple matter of over exposure. One cannot avoid cooking programs on TV. MasterChef, My Kitchen Rules, Iron Chef and anything with the terminally unsexy (in my opinion) Jamie Oliver and Gordon Ramsey. Even Nigella has lost her once voluptuous appeal. Today’s Celeb chefs are destined for the cutting room floor to join the once great Fanny Craddock, Floyd and the Galloping Gourmet. The deluge of Culinary TV is, quite honestly, boring. These days any self-respecting life partner will turn and run at the very sight of chefs whites, even if it adorns the hottest body. Sprinting away, a la Hussain Bolt, from a life of crushing monotony. Publicity is ruining your once unassailable provocative mojo.

Long hours - Chefs are married to the kitchen. This is most unattractive to any individual you pledge to put above all others in your life, till death do us part. The kitchen is a seductive affair, that Valentino, that Liz Taylor, that Christian Grey. Maybe you’re trapped in a love triangle that only a change of profession can solve.

Money - Some people marry for love and are attracted by things that are beautiful character traits. But, lets be honest, potential partners are still keen on financial security. Compared to a Lawyer, Doctor, Pilot or Accountant a Chef is likely to have a lower salary. To put it bluntly when Jeffrey the candidate Attorney and Julia the Maxillofacial surgeon are flashing around their high value black credit cards, the average chef is trying to pull the last coppers out of his or her pocket. The truth is, according to the latest surveys, that people are attracted to a partner with a steady job, good prospects and financial security. That is perhaps the reason why your buddy at the law firm or your BFF at the auditing company are getting all the dates. Fact of life.

Flowery language - Yep, the kitchen is no place for the over sensitive. It amazes me that chefs can create food that inspires romantic poetry, beautiful music, whimsical art. But, are completely incapable of threading a sentence together without a random expletive! Take my advice, F bombs do not maketh for successful dating. Also, insisting that your partner replies to your inspired bedroom propositions with “Yes, Chef” is likely to tempt violence rather than passion.

Chefs, all is not lost. Fret not thyself. Please don’t go out and search for a new job in a, so called, “sexier” career. The good news is, the unattached and eligible rank ‘cooking’ at the top of their most desirable commodities in a lover. Rest assured, no matter how many gastronomic courses the Accountant goes on or how many Nigella books the pilot reads. No matter what fancy schmancy kitchen aids Dr Julia buys or how many episodes of Bake off Advocate Thabo watches. These half-baked dilettantes will never be able to inspire, entertain, seduce and satisfy with the same culinary poise and coolness of a professional chef.  

Give yourself a break occasionally and stop working so hard. Tell everyone to watch re-runs of Top Gear (boring car program on BBC Prime) and not cooking shows. Learn some new words that don’t rhyme with duck, I find reading the odd book good for the ol’ vocab. I find the word Zabaglioni and fillet Mignon decidedly sexy, but that’s just me I guess. Finally ask your boss for a raise (no innuendo intended). Then I promise you that Professional Chef will be top of the sexiest careers before you can say croquembouche.