CV Bloopers

10 May 2017

Sometimes my day can be a little hectic reading through the hundreds of CV’s we receive from Hospitality Professionals. Most resumes we get are well thought out and professionally presented. But, occasionally we come across some gems that are destined for our “CV Bloopers” file. This secret archive has given our recruiters many hours of hilarity and is full of literary treats. I must admit that chefs give us the best laughs with F&B Managers a close second. Here are twenty of the most recent gaffes, blunders and faux pas. Enjoy!

  1. Motivation: “ I work for money! If you want loyalty get a dog.”
  2. Introduction:  A chef describing himself as a “seasoned professional”
  3. Reason for Leaving: “ I left the job because I wanted to see a girl in Naples, but the girl was not there.”
  4. Reason for Leaving: “Many people using drugs at this restaurant, restaurant closed down after a few months.”
  5. Hobbies “Drinking and having sex.”
  6. Email: StorminaDcup@...
  7. Name: Adolf Hitler Muller
  8. Hobbies: “Painting my toenails in varying colours.”
  9. Achievements: “Trauma counselling of suffering guests and staff.”
  10. Reason for Leaving: “They forced me to say sorry in front of all the cooks because I was passing by, and touched a girl accidentally.”
  11. Awards: “Passed Cycling proficiency in grade 2.”
  12. Resume Picture for a Job on an Island:  A selfie in a bikini holding a Coco de Mer
  13. Motivation: “I am great with the pubic.”
  14. Hobbies: “Mushroom hunting.”
  15. Goal: “To take your job.”
  16. Achievements: “Guinness record holder for the most pancakes tossed in 60 seconds”
  17. Reason for leaving: “Offered a promotion but I reclined.”
  18. Background: “I choose not to hold regular working hours because of…. Insomnia and hyperactivity.”
  19. Staff Interaction: “I manage by walking around so I will be in your face.”
  20. Customer Care: “The customer is not always right – they are rude, ignorant, irritating and abusive BUT they will never know what I think!”

A lesson here I guess. Check your CV carefully before sending to us or you will, no doubt, provoke my schoolboy humour, my love of puns and innuendo and be immortalised in our “CV Bloopers” archive. 

By Stephen Hickmore